|Shock: numbing, shutting down||No emotion/numbing|
|Physical Symptoms: children to take on symptoms of person who dies (ex.: my dad’s swearing)||Throwing self into work or activity|
|Emotional release||Illness (cancer, asthma, ulcers, etc.)|
|Guilt: What was the last thing I said? Did I do everything I could? Guilt is how we take power back in powerless situations||Addictions|
|Hostility/anger||Anniversary responses: triggers|
|Sense of isolation/depression||Lack of spontaneity: not being able to play|
|Regression/difficulty returning to normal affairs||Living in the past|
|Social sharing/talking about loss/sadness/memories||Inability to attach to others|
|Hope returns gradually||Anxiety/panic|
|Present and future focus. It takes a full cycle of season to recover-knowing; understanding and feelings is what allows us to act normally.||Chronic depression|
|Chronic undoing: trying to get it right, keep trying to undo the last things that happened in grief and trauma.
Jane Middleton Moz – Delayed Grief
It takes one full cycle of season to grieve.
It is tradition or dysfunction to keep people from grieving or to disallow children to grieve.
KINDS OF LOSSES
- Loved ones: Death, divorce, disability (Alzheimer’s, etc.)
- Safety was gone
- Trust: sexual abuse survivors
- Culture: boarding school, religion
- Needs: inability to ask for help with our needs
- Feelings: shutting down into numbness, getting stuck in the first part of normal grief cycle
- Memory: Either remember without any or loss of memories
Some Reasons for Delayed Grief
- Ambivalence in the relationship: unfinished business. The loss: grieving the parent we wished we had.
- Early experience of ungrieved losses: pole up of losses. The last grief may trigger all of the previous ungrieved losses.
- Unresolved trauma in childhood or adulthood: need to understand develop mentally= frozen feelings.
- Life crisis prior to loss. Eq: Illness, job loss, all energy used up, none left over to grieve.
- Lack of social support: biggest cause.
- Secondary stresses:
- Addictions: dry drunks, unresolved issues.